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    Politics Explained

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    NoDoz
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    Politics Explained

    Post by NoDoz on Sun Mar 29, 2009 2:54 pm

    Politics Explained

    FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

    PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

    BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

    FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

    PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

    RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

    CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

    DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

    PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

    REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

    BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

    PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

    LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

    SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    (Original source unknown . . . this version expanded and Illuminated by SJ.)

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    missingyoumadly
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    Re: Politics Explained

    Post by missingyoumadly on Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:04 pm

    LOL that is excellent. I'll take surrealism anyday over the reality we are in...I don't have cows or giraffes, though. Sad
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    Lucid Memes
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    Re: Politics Explained

    Post by Lucid Memes on Fri Apr 03, 2009 11:35 am

    lol this is awesome! funny list

    somethings come to mind however

    NoDoz wrote:PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

    RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

    CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

    This is a perfect example of when ideology doesn't match reality. pure communism should even have such a modern name like "communism" cause it functions like a common sense village lifestyle...its probably how most people lived in the past. but villages and such are small scale endeavors. Modern communism, as the socio-political system, implemented on a large scale is disastrous and doomed to failure and collapse, as seen with Russia. China sorta got a communist system to "work" for a while...but that's after they killed 80 million just trying to get it underway...and all those lives for what? These days, China is a capitalist superpower


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    intrepidpixie
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    Re: Politics Explained

    Post by intrepidpixie on Mon Apr 13, 2009 4:20 am

    I would say that we are likely going into a Representational Bureaucratic Cambodian Democracy. I`m so excited. Good post Nodoz.
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    Lucid Memes
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    Re: Politics Explained

    Post by Lucid Memes on Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:42 pm

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    Lucid Memes
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    Re: Politics Explained

    Post by Lucid Memes on Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:25 pm

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    missingyoumadly
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    Re: Politics Explained

    Post by missingyoumadly on Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:00 pm

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    Sorry for my graphjam spam, just highly appropriate. HAHA

    RB
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    what about the New World Order?

    Post by RB on Sun Jun 13, 2010 2:30 pm

    New World Order

    The two genetically modified cows on your farm belong to the bank. Gouvernement regulations force you to innoculate your cows with Montanto's bovin growth hormone (rBGH). Several voluntary health and environmental labels blackmail you into paying extra fees, and a carbon tax, in order to sell the milk on the market.

    The milk is sterilized through ionizing radiation killing all the vitamins and the toxic milk is sold back to you and your neighbors in order to depress your immune system and reduce world population.

    hehehehe *don't drink milk !!!
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    Lucid Memes
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    Re: Politics Explained

    Post by Lucid Memes on Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:16 pm

    RDBois wrote:New World Order

    The two genetically modified cows on your farm belong to the bank. Gouvernement regulations force you to innoculate your cows with Montanto's bovin growth hormone (rBGH). Several voluntary health and environmental labels blackmail you into paying extra fees, and a carbon tax, in order to sell the milk on the market.

    The milk is sterilized through ionizing radiation killing all the vitamins and the toxic milk is sold back to you and your neighbors in order to depress your immune system and reduce world population.

    hehehehe *don't drink milk !!!

    The problem is that. Somewhere during the neolithic revolution, it became okay to drink the breast lactate of an ungulate bovine species different from us. If you think of drinking the breast milk of any other animal, you'll probably be repulsed instantly...but ungulate bovines are okay lol.

    PETA had an ad against drinking cow milk as being "inhumane" (which is true)...but they ironically give me the idea that human milk is the actual "humane" milk we should be drinking! cheers

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    Now where can we find a chick with 4 boobs I wonder scratch


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    Agogwe
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    Re: Politics Explained

    Post by Agogwe on Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:19 am

    These were great, seriously funny. It really makes me think though that government really only works when implemented on a small, local level. Anytime there's an attempt and creating some kind of national government or empire, someone has to be subjugated. Governments don't work, never have.

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